Cheers and fears
Some things ought to be immortalized.
Family moments for example.. How much more support can there be when families show up for their sons’ and brothers’ “graduations”? My brother had his passing out parade from the civil defence academy today and I can honestly say that my parents and I are immensely proud of him.
Ray appeared in two video shots. One as happily pointing to his OBS Sabah cert, and the other as panting and resting. Needless to say, both my parents and I squealed and laughed when we saw him on the video.
One thing about attending the ceremony… is being able to detect the crazy amounts of testosterone in the room. I mean.. My God.. it was so over 9000, that even I felt like being het for them. *shudders* … Biology is a terrifying thing.
I asked my parents what the minimum requirements were. Dad said that I needed to get a degree. Mom said a masters, top 30% of paygrade, and a good marriage etc. I guess… I guess I just wanted to know how low I can stoop… … Hasn’t it always been about that? ….
Today I left an angel in wait. I know I’ve left many people in wait before, but I intentionally let an angel wait. It was one of the dumbest things I can ever do… but I did it. And as much as I would love to allow the guilt to wreck this person… I suppose somewhere, I still believe in lies and ignorance.
…
Btw. I believe there is no such thing as right and wrong being justifiedly used. I believe that I can do whatever I want and claim it right, or wrong. I believe that whatever standards or justification we say goodness adhere to… is all a bit steaming pile of… nonsense.
I believe in despair over the knowledge of such nihilism. I believe in last resorts, mass abnormality, and cruelty.
I believe in hatred and anger as motivational forces that fend off despair. I believe unless you make it so, you would never got meaning beyond some myopic conception of happiness.
.. I believe in sleeping and dreams. For it is only that realm that tell us how we feel, and where our consciousness are.
… haiz. much ado over nothing, really.
just seems hard to move, that’s all.
